EPISODE 2 – 20th August 2001
Written by: Marko
The RAW tapings are about to commence as Vince realizes a potentially fatal error.
Vince: Where is everyone ??
Steph: I think we’re at the wrong place Dad
Vince: Where are we ??
Shane: Erm……Washington DC
Vince: That’s it…….
[Vince calls Linda]
Vince: Hiya honey, where is RAW taking place tonight ??
Linda: Washington City Vince, where are you ??
Vince: Ohhhhhh, I see……….erm……..be there soon, bye
[cuts off Linda]
Vince: Ok kids, we got 2 hours to make it across the USA, any suggestions ??
Steph: We’ll, if we use your hairline and Shane’s chin, we could make some sort of raft.
Shane: Not to forget you being used as an airbag Steph.
Steph: I know, we need to relax, here put on my new tape, it’s a relaxation tape: Sound Of The Ocean Waves.
[Shane plays the tape]
Shane: There is nothing on this tape Steph.
Vince: Maybe the tide is out.
Steph: Maybe you have to press play. Shane, did you go to school at all ?? If you want my opinion…
Shane: Your opinion ?? If your opinion held as much weight as your bra, you maybe worth listening too.
Steph: Very funny Shane. Do you still think that Gaelic is a lesbian sex act ??
Shane: No, an I never did, unlike you who thinks that a Barbarian is a guy that cuts your hair.
Steph: Well, with a haircut like that, your Barbarian must be blind.
Vince: That’s enough. Now, how we gonna get to Washington City ?? Hang on, I’ll fax for directions, be right back you two.
[Several minutes later, Vince returns]
Shane: We’ll, what did the fax say ??
Vince: It said : awawawoawowoawoawoawooawoawoawoawooooooawoawo
Shane: So, we get a private jet ??
Vince: Yea, who is Steph phoning ??
Shane: Oh, the shopping channel
Lady on the phone: VC, can I help you ??
Steph: Oh, no thanks, I’m just looking.
Vince: Ok………let’s get on the plane.
[An hour passes….]
Shane: What a view…..
Steph: Dad, tell Shane to stop looking at my chest.
Vince: What dear ?? Ah, we’re here.
Linda: Vince, where were you ??
Vince: Erm…..here ?
Linda: Anyway, 20 minutes until we’re on air. Everything is perfect and on schedule.
Vince: Nice.
[RAW goes surprisingly well, with no mistakes. Next again day, The McMahons are sitting having lunch in their hotel]
Steph: Daddy, can I get a pet parrot ??
Vince: Yea, sure, anything for my baby.
Shane: Pfffffffff, Parrot, won’t be as good as my Homing Pigeon, Ryz
Steph: What’s so special about Ryz ??
Shane: Well, he’s a Homing Pigeon, he comes back every time.
Steph: He has to Shane, he’s on elastic.
Shane: Well, better than a parrot.
[Austin then walks in]
Vince: Hey Steve, want some fries ??
Austin: No thanks Vince, I’m just heading back home, I’ll be back for Smackdown.
Shane: Hey Austin, I see you spent all morning doing your hair and you’ve came out without it.
Austin: Very good Shane, anymore ??
Shane: Nope, We’ll, I guess you just have more face to wash than the rest of us
Austin: Yea, ok, later Vinny
Vince: Yea, bye Steve, don’t be late.
[Austin leaves]
Shane: Hey, I gotta an idea for a new angle. Y’know when I was little, and I got those animal shaped biscuits, an what they were biscuits in the shape of animals, an they weren’t real animals or anything, Cause it’d take a lot of chocolate to cover a real animal.
[Steph laughs]
Shane: Well, it would, an elephant would be like 234 barrels of chocolate, a hamster would just be a lil’ cup of chocolate, but no bugger would want that. And how many elephants would you get to a box ?? Ok, you’d only get 1, which isn’t great value, an realistically, how much is it gonna cost ?? It’ll cost about $4.50. Then, you open the box and you get one bloody elephant for $4.50, unless it was an Indian Elephant, cause those have bigger ears, that’s why they don’t wear glasses. Apparently, it’s all to do with their genes, not that I never seen an elephant wear a pair of genes, I’ve never watched the Discovery Channel an seen the narrator go; “Oh, there’s an Indian Elephant with a pair of 501’s on” And even if you did buy a box, how you gonna get it home ?? Even if you do get it home, how you gonna get it in the kitchen ?? You’d have to knock the back wall out, just to get it in. It’d cost $15,000 just to eat an elephant with a pair of jeans on. Anyway, the whole point of that story was to tell you about my idea for an angle…….guys……guys ?????
[Shane looks up to discover he is alone in the restaurant]
Come back next week for a Sumerslam Special, only at TBL.