EPISODE 1 – 13th August 2001
Written by: Marko
All is quiet as the McMahon’s finish off their Sunday Roast. Vince is disappointed at the recent TV ratings and decide that something has to be done.
Vince: What have I done wrong Linda ?? I buy WCW, I buy ECW an yet the tv ratings drop. Should I not have ALL combined viewers of Nitro and RAW and whatever program ECW had ??
Linda: C’mon Vince, we are missing a lot of top class wrestlers just now. Benoit, HHH, Rikishi. Albert.
Vince: Albert isn’t injured.
Linda: No ?? What, is his face always that way ??
Vince: Let’s just leave it at that shall we……ah, Stephanie, how long ‘till your hubby gets off the injured list ??
Steph: Sorry ?? Dad, Triple H isn’t my REAL husband.
Vince: Really ?? Then who are you married to ??
Steph: I am not married Daddy
Vince: Then who’s wedding was I at then ??
Linda: That was ours Vince.
Vince: Ohhhhhhh, anyways, back to business.
Steph: Dad, are we having another Bra & Panties match on RAW ??
Vince: Why you say that baby ??
Steph: Well, all the underwear up in your study, I …….
Vince: Yes Steph, I was……..erm…….trying to find a pair that would…..eh……match the color scheme for RAW, yes, that’s it, color scheme for RAW.
Linda: Oh come on Vince, you can’t have another Bra & Panties match, can you decide on another type of match ??
Vince: I’m sorry Linda, I’m not very good at making decisions, or am I ??
Linda: I’m sure we can come up with something. Why don’t I invite round JR round for supper ??
Vince: No way, not after the last time he came round. Y’know, the Scrabble fiasco.
Steph: What happened there daddy ??
Vince: Well, I don’t know how he managed it, he cheated, he must’ve cheated. But somehow, he managed to get all his words to read: Useless Boss Couldn’t Run A Coach Trip.
Just then Scott Hall, a resident at the McMahon home walks in
Hall: [Groans]
Vince: Is that it Scott ?? Has all the alcohol left your body at last ??
Hall: Ohhhhh, my Goooooood
Vince: Yep, that’s it alright. Being sober to you must be like taking some mad hallucinogenic.
Hall: Where are the other 4 ??
Vince: Other 4 ?!?!? Oh, I see, the ol’ vision back to normal ?? Nope, there is just the 4 of us.
Hall: And what do you do then ??
Vince: We run WWF.
Hall: What ?? WWF ?? Don’t tell me I’m still a god damn wrestler !!
Linda: Well, Scott, what does it feel to be sober every once inna while, or every 13 years ??
Hall: [Points to chair] Chair [Points to curtains] Curtains [Points to Vince] Gobshite
Vince: O……….k
Shane: Hey dad, whad’ya say we come up with a new theme tune for me ?? No Chance is getting boring.
Vince: Yea, ok. Let’s go to the studio now and see if we can come up with anything.
[Shane and Vince enters the studio] Vince: Ok, will we do the tune first then the words, or the words, then tune ??
Shane: Tune, ok, try this……
[Shane strums an A- on his guitar]
Vince: Yea, I like that.
Shane: Cool, I’ll jot it down. C’mon, think of something, remember, were just having a bit off fun just now
[3 hours pass]
Shane: Just play the [beep]ing note.
Vince: The first one ??
Shane: No, not the [beep]ing first one, we have the [beep]ing first note, I’ve been playing the [beep]ing first one.
Vince: So, I ………….
Shane: Just play the [beep]ing note you were [beep]ing playing there. Play the [beep]ing note.
[Shane storms off leaving Vince looking at his $10 keyboard]
Next again day, a few hours before RAW airs, The McMahons are all in the hotel restaurant. Vince is captivated by the blackboard with the chef’s specials. Steph has invited her new boyfriend to meet the family.
Vince: Look at this blackboard Linda, it seems normal, doesn’t it ??
Linda: Erm………yes.
Vince: That’s what I thought, but watch this……You can rub off the letters.
Linda: You can do that with every blackboard Vince.
Vince: Wha……….?
Steph: What have you ordered Shane ??
Shane: Lobster, potatoes, onions and beans.
Steph: Onions AND beans ?? You’ll be asking your own tear gas.
Linda: Oh Steph, you take your humor off your father and you take your wit and quick thinking off………off………off…….me.
Steph: C’mon, George will be here any minute.
[George, a short, bald, fat man entered and sits at the table]
Vince: [whispers] He’s not exactly young is he ?? He’s bald, short, fat and pretty old huh ??
Steph: There’s no need to whisper dad, he’s deaf too. Ok, maybe he’s too old for me. I’ll tell him to go.
Shane: He was better than Joe, the dwarf.
Vince: Joe ?????
Shane: Ye, he went to nudists colonies and poked his nose into everyone’s business.
[George leaves]
Steph: Sorry, I only liked him cause he made my boobs look bigger.
Shane: Oh Steph, you are so stupid.
Steph: I am not.
Shane: C’mon Steph, you used to think Anti-Freeze was if you ever fell out with your aunt.
Steph: Oh yea?? We’ll, you thought Adamant was the very first insect.
Shane: Well, well…….you thought Little Red Riding Hood was a Russian contraceptive.
Vince: Kids, kids……….oh, here’s dinner.
Episode 2 – Next week
What will happen at RAW ??
Will Steph and Shane stop bickering ??
Will Vince come up with a sensible idea ??
Find out next week!!!