Marko Presents (8/28):
The British Bulldog’s Guide to Dogs
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him “Rover” or “Spot”. Davey Boy calls his Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to Davey. When he went to the City Hall to renew the dog’s license, he told the clerk that he would like a license for Sex. He said, “I would like to have one too!” Then he said, “But she is a dog!” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. he said, “You don’t understand… I’ve had Sex since I was nine years old.” He replied, “You must have been quite a strong boy.” When he decided to get married, he told the minister that he would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told him to wait until after the wedding was over. He said, “But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex.” He said he didn’t want to hear about Davey’s personal life and would not marry us in his church. He told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day they were married at the Justice of the Peace. His family was barred from the church from then on.
When Davey and his wife went on our honeymoon, he took the dog with him. When he checked into the motel, he told the clerk that he wanted a room for him and his wife and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. Davey said, “You don’t understand. … Sex keeps me awake at night.” The clerk said, “Me too!”
One day Davy entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked Davey why he was just looking around. Davy told him that he was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that Davey should have sold his own tickets. “You don’t understand,” Davey said, “I hoped to have Sex on TV.” He called Davey a show off.
When Davey and his wife separated, they went to court to fight for custody of the dog. Davey said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married.” The Judge said, “Me too!”
Last night Sex ran off again. Davey spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked Davey what he was doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning. Davey said, “I’m looking for Sex.” – His case comes up next Thursday.
Well now Davey’s been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than he ever foresaw. Why just the other day when he went for his first session with the psychiatrist, she asked him, “What seems to be the trouble?” Davey repiled, “Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn’t live any longer so lonely.” and the doctor said, “Look mister, you should understand that sex isn’t a man’s best friend so get yourself a dog.”