Marko Presents (8/27):
Scott Hall’s Guide To A Drinking Problem
1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
2.You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
3. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
4. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
5. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
6. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case – coincidence?? – I think not
7. Two hands and just one mouth… – now THAT’S a drinking problem!
8. You’ve fallen and you can’t get up.
9. BeerTender! Get me another Bar!
10. When you can focus better with one eye closed.
11. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
12. Every woman you see has an exact twin.
13. You fall off the floor…
14. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
15. The glass keeps missing your mouth!
16. Vince McMahon starts to make sense.
17. Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitoes!]
18. At AA meeting you begin: “Hi, my name is… uh…”
19. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
20. The shrubbery’s drunk too, from frequent watering.
21. The whole bar says ‘Hi’ when you come in…
22. You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women].
23. Every night you’re beginning to find your roomate’s cat more and more attractive.
24. Hi ocifer. I’m not under the affluence of incohol.
25. Roseanne looks good.
26. Don’t recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
27. That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
28.You have a Reserved Parking space at the liquor store.
29. I’m as jober as a sudge.
30. You wake up in Korea in August and the last thing you remember is the Fourth of July party at the Halekulani in Waikiki.
Marko’s Guide to WWF Videos
(some common misconceptions concerning WWF Videos)
1. Do I have to be married to watch WWF videos?
Although married people watch WWF videos quite often, there are many single people who watch WWF videos with complete strangers everyday.
2. My parents say they never had watch WWF videos when they were young and were only allowed to watch WWF with each until they were twenty-one. How old do you think someone should be before they can watch WWF videos?
Watching WWF videos can be performed at any age, once they learn the correct procedure.
3. If I watch WWF videos myself, will I go blind?
Certainly not, as far as we can see.
4. There is a place on our street where you can go and pay for WWF videos. Is this legal?
Yes, many people have no other outlet for their WWF videos needs and must pay a ‘professional’ when their need to watch WWF videos becomes too great.
5. Should a cover always be used with WWF videos?
Unless you are really sure of the strength of the video, a cover should be used to insure safe storage.
6. I have a WWF videos at home and WWF videos at work. Can matches become mixed up?
Being bi-videoual can be confusing, but as long as you use a cover with each one, you won’t see anything you are not supposed to.