BISHOFF TAKES OVER RAW
Raw begins with the Hart Foundation coming down to ringside with Eric Bischoff in a leather Hart Jacket. Bischoff is waving a Canadian flag.(Tony Shiavone and Bobby Heenan are at the commentators booth.)
Tony: Oh! no, not again. What do they want now?
Bret Hart, Owen, the British Bulldog, Anvil and Bischoff get in the ring. Bret Grabs a mic.
Bret: Would you people just shut the hell up!!!! All I gotta say is that the Hart Foundation is just tooooooooo!!!!! sweeeeeeeet!!!!!!
Bischoff: You said it man, you the man, you the man.
Tony: I don’t believe this.
Heenan: This is ridiculous.
Bret: Everybody’s been talking about the cage match between me and Terry Funk, why don’t you tell all these pathetic Americans what I am talkin about Bischoff.
Bischoff: Oh, I will HITman! You see, Terry Funk has a yellow stripe running down the middle of his back. He’s too scared to face the Hitman.
Tony: You have got to be kidding me, I don’t think he’s scared at all.
Bishoff: Ya, know if Terry was a real man he would get his ass out here right now brother.
Bret: That’s right brother, Terry Funk fears the ICON!!!!!(garbage is being tossed into the ring at this point).
Terry Funk comes down and clears out the Hart Foundation, the crowd is going nuts. The Hart Foundation exits through the audience.
Tony: What cowards.
Heenan: Another point for team WWF.
The next match scheduled is a Mexican match pitting two unknown mexican wrestlers against each other.
Tony:(The crowd is sleeping)Wow, what a match, the crowd is really getting into this.
After that three more Mexican and Japanese matches are scheduled. After the foreign action Mean Gene is in the aisle ready to conduct an interview with Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Gene: Ladies and gentleman would you please welcome Stone Cold Steve Austin!
Tony: This should be very interesting(Steve makes his way to gene).
Gene: Steve, we know you have your match with Owen Hart this Sunday, what are your thoughts.
Austin: Listen you washed up piece of trash….
Gene: Hey shut your mouth, you can’t just walk out here in front of millions of fans and…..
Austin: You a little smart ass son? You can just shut…
Gene: Get a hold of yourself Austin
With that Austin gives Gene a stunner.
Tony: OH!! MY GOD!!! NOT GENE!!! AFTER ALL HE’S DONE FOR THIS SPORT!!! I CAN’T WATCH ANY MORE OF THIS, THIS IS SICK.
Hennan: I agree with ya tony, that shouldn’t have happened to Gene.
Now its time for a 1-800-collect road report with Lee Marshal.
Lee: Hey, guys I’m up here in New York City, New York and boy is it cold up here. Were havin a Raw party getting ready the big Raw at Madison Square Garden which has been sold out for weeks. By the way, the people here in the Big Apple sure are wormy. I’m Lee Marshall and that is the road report for 1-800-collect.
The next match on Raw pits Troy Aikman against Dan Marino. Aikman throws small punches at Marino for about 5 minutes followed by a clothesline. As Marino gets up he rolls Aikman into a small package for the victory.
Tony: What great wrestling talents they are, you don’t find athletes like this anywhere else but in the WWF because were number one.
The Hart Foundation is now in the ring and are beating on Marino. Jim Niedhart spray paints little pink hearts all over Marino.
Tony: Team WWF has got to do something.
Hennan: I’m outta here.
Now Gorilla Monsoon comes to the ring and removes his suit revealing wresting tights. He beats up the Hart Foundation.
Tony: GORILLA MONSOON IS BACK!!! TEAM WWF IS SAVED!!
Now everybody is out of the ring and Stone Cold is in and is ready to bash the Hart Foundation. All of a sudden the Undertaker falls from the rafters, the crowd is going nuts.
Tony: OH! My!
The Undertaker throws Austin a bat and turns his back. Stone Cold hits him hard right over the head. Now Bret Hart comes down to the ring and shakes Austins hand.
Tony: STEVE AUSTIN HAS JOINED THE HART FOUNDATION!!!! HE HAS JOINED THE HART FOUNDATION!!! WER’E OUT OF TIME SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.
Hennan: I don’t belive this.
(Vince McMahon in his office on a Tuesday Morning)
Vince: We pulled off a pretty good show last night, I think the ratings will go through the roof. I love this new time slot (secretary pages vince) Yes what is it?
Lucy: The new fall line up is in. Nitro is moving to four hours on a weekly basis.
Vince: WHAT!!!! Damn Bishoff and Co. Lucy do me a favor, call turners office and tell him that I am taking him to court.
Lucy: Again???
Vince: Due to his predetory practices to throw the WWF out of business.
Lucy: Yes sir(Rocky Miavia suddenly bursts into Vinces office).
Vince: Can I help you Duane?
Rocky: Yeah. You can help me, my dad is pretty pissed that you turned me heel he is threatening to take my business elswhere like down south(Rocky gives Vince a wink).
Vince: Listen Duane, you just aren’t important to me. Every time you are on tv the ratings just drop. To tell you the truth you are a waste of my money(Rocky runs out of the room pretty pissed). Lucy, I want you to send a letter to Bishoffs office.
Lucy: Did an athlete on Nitro use the word Hosebag again?
Vince: No, not yet. I want you to tell Bishoff that Duane Johnson is coming down for an interview, put in a good word for him will ya? Thanks. Ha, another point for me Bishoff. Oh! By the way Lucy, can you get Paul Heyman on the phone?
Lucy: Right away sir.
Vince: Yes, Paul? Hey, Vince speaking how is everything down there?
Paul: Look Vince, for the one hundredth time we are not going to give you Van Damm, Sabu, Sandman and Dreamer. We are not talent feeders like USWA.
Vince: DAMN!!!! Anyway Paul, me and other officials were planning……
Paul: Listen Vince we have been through this a thousand times, my men will not job to yours(Paul hangs up).
Vince: Boy, using ECW hasn’t turned out to be as easy as I thought it would be(all of a sudden the lights go out in McMahons office and it starts to get chilly, the Undertaker comes in).
Vince: JESUS CHRIST!!! I told you to stop doing this!! Turn my lights back on Mark. DAMMIT!! And close my window too. Get this through your brain Calloway. When you are in my office you stay out of character.
Undertaker: Rest…in..
Vince: STAY OUT OF CHARACTER!!!! WHAT DO YOU WANT??
Undertaker: Sorry Dude. I just, like, wanted to know when this kain thing is like, actually gonna start happinin man. Huh huh..huhhuhuhuhuhuh, yeah yeah kain.
Vince: It will get underway soon, and Mark, never do a Bevis and Butt-Head impression in my office again understand.
Undertaker: Yeah! Cool(Undertaker leaves Steve Austin makes his way through the door).
Austin: What the hell is wrong with you, you Jackass! If you expect me to get ten more piledrivers on my neck courtesy of Owen Hart you can forget it son. The bottom line is this..
Vince: Steve, please stay out of character.
Austin: Sorry Vince, I get a little carried away sometimes. Please Vince please, I really don’t want to do this.
Vince: It’s alright Steve, stop whining, we don’t have to do the angle.
Austin: Oh! Thanks Vince, I’m gonna go get a burger with Bret Hart. You want to join us?
Vince: No thats alright. I’m pretty busy here(Austin leaves, Shawn Michaels enters). Can I help you Mike?
Shawn: Ok Vin Man, these are my demands for the next few months. First, I only want to do Pay-per views, no Raw. Second I want to make more that Bret Hart. Plus I want the tag titles and the World title belt by the Rumble.
Vince: Mike I don’t know if(Shawn gives Vince the look)well I guess we could make it work. Say, is there any chance of you and Bret….
Shawn: Hell no.
Vince: Okay sorry I asked Mike(he leaves).
Lucy: Vince?
Vince: Yes Lucy.
Lucy: A local catholic church just called. They are protesting the idea of a wrestling priest.
Vince: Wonderful.
Lucy: By the way, I have the weekly list of lawsuits in my hands.
Vince: Lay it on me.
Lucy: Ok. Sid is suing you for wrongful termination of contract, Turner, USA, TBS, Lifetime and ESPN are all suing you for the language on Raw, Steve Austin is suing you for his injury, Kevin Nash is now suing you for a bruise he suffered a couple of years back, Bret Hart is now suing for breach of contract with the Shawn Michaels match, Eric Bishoff is suing you for saying Hulk Hogan and a huge group of African Americans are suing you for being racist with NOD.
Vince: Well short and sweet. Thanks Lucy, I’m out to lunch.